The exchange of old ideas for new ones can be lost without continued vigilance. It is not atypical, for example, to hear the phrase, “She made me so mad.” This statement, of course, is heard in approximately 70 different languages, every day, from one end of the planet to the other. You may have said it more than once today. “That driver pissed me off!” or “She is late and I can’t stand it!”
We have cultivated the impulse to blame our emotions on things that are outside our control. I am mad, and you did it. I am depressed and you did that to me. I am going to kill you because you left me with no other choice.
All of it NUTS!
The endless social reinforcement that favors irrationality – You made me angry! – over rationality – I make myself angry because I tell myself I NEED your cooperation in order to be happy in my life, makes the sorting out of old and new thinking a challenge for adults.
The fact is, people don’t make you feel.
You think about how others are behaving and your thoughts make you feel.
Your thoughts are potentially under your control. It will take some practice to lasso them and make them more reasonable.
When you recognize your potential to control your emotional response to adversity, you are more likely to take responsibility for you thoughts and go about changing them. It would be foolish (if not nutty) to believe that you cannot be happy until others behave in ways that SUIT you and meet your imagined NEEDS.
Your first awakening, therefore, on your voyage toward building an improved EI is to appreciate the fact that YOU make yourself feel your own emotions.
- You Make Yourself Feel (eitheory.com)
- You can really push my buttons! (eitheory.com)
- The Bio-Psycho-Social Model (eitheory.com)
- Emotional Evolution (eitheory.com)
- Emotional Intelligence and Locus of Control (eitheory.com)
- Is a Perfect Life Possible? If So Can You Have One? (greanwitch.wordpress.com)
- That shame? I own it! (redawakening.com)
- Incremental Change (eitheory.com)
- Emotional Flexibility (eitheory.com)
- Emotional Memory (eitheory.com)