The Case of Elliot (part seven)

This nine-part series will illustrate the emotional intelligence (EI) theory intervention paradigm. The content of these dialogues may be of interest to the casual reader as well as the therapist seeking to increase h/er understanding and application of EI theory. An update of the problem solving adventure between Elliot and his EI guide will be posted each day, for nine daysElliot: I wish I didn’t have to be gay. It would make things a lot easier.EI Guide: Can you ever be just one thing?

Elliot: I guess not.

EI Guide: You may very well be a combination of a lot of things – both good and not so good.

Elliot: Yes, that’s true.

EI Guide: It’s one thing to say it’s true. It’s another thing to believe that it’s true.

Elliot: I understand – sort of.

EI Guide: It looks to me like if someone insults you, you make yourself entirely bad. Like when your father rejected you and you became a piece of shit. You all of a sudden became unacceptable. Then our imaginary person called you a faggot, and you became that thing. It’s like there is a magic wand that makes you bad. Is there one that makes you good?

Elliot: Yeah, when people praise me. Then I think I’m good.

EI Guide: Until someone tells you you’re not?

Elliot: Yes.

EI Guide: You may want to get hold of that. From where I’m sitting, it seems like it would be very exhausting.

Elliot: What do you suggest?

EI Guide: I would suggest that you, first, begin to realize that you are neither good nor bad. You are a number of things, unequal in value and significance. You are too many things to be called by just one name. You can begin to view the things people say to you, both good and not so good, as suggestions. No more than suggestions.

Elliot: So, if someone tells me I am a no good, stinking rotten person – that is a suggestion?

EI Guide: Of course. And it is a suggestion you can either accept or reject. Simply because someone believes this about you is not proof enough that it’s true. If someone doesn’t like you, is that enough evidence that you are unlikeable? It would be insane for you to believe it anyway. There is overwhelming evidence that it isn’t true. It would be insanity to give this statement much more than that – an insane suggestion from a person who appears to have a very little grasp on reality.

Elliot: It’s like they’re crazy and they are ranting about crazy shit.

EI Guide: That’s another way of looking at it. And if you join in with it, you are acting insanely by accepting their insane reality.


4 responses

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  2. Pingback: The Case of Elliot (part four) |

  3. Pingback: The Case of Elliot (part eight) |

  4. Pingback: The Case of Elliot (part six) |

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