The fact that someone tells you they don’t like your haircut is benign unto itself. YOU must give meaning to nearly anything that is said or done.
Meaning often begins with perception.
The factor that makes your emotional reaction your own doing is that you perceive dislike as threatening. YOU generate threatening thoughts about the comment “I don’t like your haircut” and express those thoughts as emotion. In this case, you may have chosen to react to criticism with anger: “If I am criticized, I am a failure. I cannot stand to be viewed as a failure. I must protect myself from that implication.”
A quick and easy way to discover the origin of your anger response is to ask yourself what you are afraid of. “My partner doesn’t like my hairstyle. What am I afraid of? Well, if he doesn’t like my hairstyle, he doesn’t find me attractive. If he doesn’t find me attractive, no one else will find me attractive. If no one finds me attractive I am, by default, unattractive! If I am unattractive, I will most certainly spend the rest of my life alone. I can’t stand to be thought of as unattractive, unloved and alone, so I will fight until he changes his mind and restores me to a place of enviable attractiveness!”
If you are honest with yourself, when you are making yourself angry, you will discover a multitude of answers to the question “What am I afraid of?” that will help you get in touch with resolving your fear / anger response. Capturing your thoughts can provide you with ample opportunity to do something about them.
“I am being criticized. I am angry. What am I afraid of? I am afraid that if I am criticized then I am not appreciated for my intelligence. If I am not appreciated for my intelligence, I will be viewed as stupid. If I am viewed as stupid, I must be stupid. ATTACK!”
The fact is, you can be called stupid all day AND you can stand it. People might truly believe you are stupid, ugly, fat, rude and unfriendly. The significance of those words is only as useful as your personal assessment of them. You are not likely to EVER enjoy being criticized. You can, undoubtedly, live contentedly with people who don’t celebrate the high opinion you hold of yourself.
“You disgust me.”
“You know, you are really stupid.”
“You’ll just have to find a way to live with that.”
- Prove it! (eitheory.com)
- Emotional Evolution (eitheory.com)
- The Bio-Psycho-Social Model (eitheory.com)
- Incremental Change (eitheory.com)
- What Do You Fear? (eitheory.com)
- Anger Is Necessary, Yet Hard To Maintain (yesismessy.wordpress.com)
- How to Get the Best Haircut For Your Face Shape (bellasugar.com)
- Four Months. (bloomanyway.wordpress.com)
- Anger (misswhiplash.wordpress.com)
- Anger (mlleaurore.wordpress.com)