Incremental Change

Theories of emotional intelligence abound.

The EI theory I endorse might be described as an acquired skill or ability for actively resolving emotional problems from a bio-psycho-social perspective.  That means we view ourselves and others from an holistic perspective. We recognize that we are more than our thoughts. Our environment influences our thoughts. Thoughts initiate a biological response from our body to perceived threats.

We also know that solving an emotional problem does not mean that the solution can only be one that leads to happiness.  We are not trying to achieve happiness in the face of all types of adversity. To do so would be an irresponsible and unachievable goal. If you make yourself angry, however, you can make yourself incrementally less angry.

Incremental change indicates success when improving EI.

In fact, the solutions you find while improving your EI might be, at times, simply incremental.  You might, for instance, express anger x 10 when you encounter misfortune.  But, using the skills found in this book, you may decrease your anger response to anger x 2.

Incremental change!

Celebrate it when it happens.

Improved emotional intelligence is a simple matter of finding an all-or-nothing emotional fix. In fact, there may be times when you maintain your anger without a single bit of change. Don’t worry; if you wait long enough, time will take care of nearly all of your emotional issues. But if you can learn to forgive yourself for making yourself angry, while you wait for your anger to subside, you have been successful at improving your EI. Learning to forgive oneself for behaving foolishly is actually a significant sign of improved EI.

EI does not suggest that you will ever be happy when you are facing adversity, emotional challenge, bereavement, hardship or harsh conditions.  It is very unlikely that you will ever use the skills found herein to move your emotions from anger to happiness.  You can, however, achieve contentment where you would normally settle on discontent. Prepare for the inevitability of incremental change as a sign of improved emotional intelligence.


9 responses

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