EI Requires Patience

I do want to briefly mention that when you are in the moment of noxious emotional stimuli, you are not likely to make a lot of progress toward building or maintaining your emotional intelligence.  The influence of your body’s natural immediate reaction to frightening thoughts and perceptions and your focus on fighting and fleeing, oftentimes overpowers your ability to begin an organized and logical problem-solving adventure.

Remember, you are not likely to stop and figure out why a polar bear is chasing you.  It is not a good idea to even try.  Your body and mind respond to noxious human behavior in much the same way as it responds to a wild beast chasing you through the woods.  And you are not likely, under either circumstance, to think rationally.  Once you get away, however, you can think and plan how to make an effective weapon (new thoughts) for when the situation arises again.

Postponing your emotional improvement does not mean that you shouldn’t commit to doing something about your perception of threat at some point after you have removed yourself from the threat.  You may just have to learn to breathe and plan for when you can reasonably resolve the issue.

Simply said, your nutty thinking will almost always overpower your rational thinking – while in the moment. It will take at least as much time to change your first thought as it took to build it.  So, if you are 37 years old, you can plan on a complete change in your first thought in at least that amount of time.  Until then, plan.


4 responses

    • Sure I do! That’s the definition of emotional intelligence – from the psychological perspective. EI consists of the biological/psychological and social responses to emotional stimulus. The factor that is often out of our control is our autonomic nervous response (ANR). Anger provokes the fight, flight or freeze response and we cannot really do anything about that except wait. While we’re waiting, we have to think differently. Thinking differently is a guided adventure. People don’t normally know the right things to think about. I would recommend waiting until December for my book Think Twice. You will find your answers there. Please feel free to ask more questions. I enjoy trying to answer them.

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